Most of the time, I deal with responsible and competent people. However, I have encountered two exceptions who stood out in ways I find annoying.
Exhibit 1: got a small loan from me over 2 1/2 years ago. She had some difficulties in life, so I didn’t press for repayment. For about the last year, I’ve been getting regular promises of repayment “today/tomorrow/by the end of the week”, perhaps twenty in all. I find it hard to believe that the small amount involved could not have been paid off over a few paychecks. In April, I got 10% of the total paid back. Since then, more was promised by mailed check or by cash in person, but no letter ever came and all personal appointments were missed. I also find it puzzling that somebody would make promises with no intentions of keeping them.
Exhibit 2: got a slightly larger loan from me in January. I offered to provide retouching work to pay off part of the loan. Work was done consistently poorly, without attention to detail or meeting of deadlines. Several times, I gave him non-urgent projects which he promised to do well and on time. All deadline have passed and no work was done. There’s been no communication in response to my inquiries. The deadline for repayment passed five months ago.
When people pay me or do something helpful, I try to provide at least their money’s worth in services and good publicity. Is there any down side to providing my money’s worth of negative publicity. Everything is well documented. I have pretty good reach into the circles frequented by the two people I mentioned. If nothing else, it might save others from being taken by the same people.
Wound providing the negative publicity damage your reputation? Would you look petty or vindicative?
Several years ago I had some people I knew but didn’t think much of in my life. Couldn’t shake them. Then, one day they enquired about borrowing a small sum to pay a utility bill. I gladly provided the money. My wife said we would never see that money again, I replied she was right but we would never see those people again either.
A. Never lend money to people you know and care for or to relatives.
B. If you do, never give over more than you can expect never to be repaid and do so in the spirit of it being a gift rather than a loan.
There is no such thing as a personal loan, there are only gifts. If you get paid back, buy a lottery ticket.
What Dick Besser said.
Can you afford to write it off in your mind, and maybe even write it off formally with the two Exhibits to restore your peace of mind?
Yes. I am just reluctant to encourage this — I’ve already lost money once to a scammer who borrowed from everyone, then skipped out on his family and friends and hasn’t been found since. I would prefer to make this an object lesson and not just to myself.
If you cannot properly and effectively hold friends and family accountable, what hope is there for the community, the state and the country?
If we demonstrate to our friends and family that it is OK to default on a loan or a promise or to shirk one’s duties, what are we teaching them? If they’ll blow off a friend, surely they’ll have no problem with blowing off or stealing from strangers?
Be firm. Don’t be vindictive. Always get documentation. Give them a final chance, and make it clear that you will take the matter to a collection agency or to court, and then follow up and do it. There’s little purpose in spreading the bad news around. These things should end up on one’s credit history, and that’s where other people will look if they have the wherewithal to do so.
If you didn’t get documentation, as in a signed promissory note, then you just made out a gift and you have only yourself to blame. You also failed your friend by not holding him to minimum standards.
I too have had this happen.
For small amounts of money, I do like some above have stated. I talk to the borrower as if it is a loan; but in my head I see it as a gift that might be paid back. I also NEVER to this with a significant (to me) amount of money.
As to a larger amount of money. I had someone in the gun community whose initials are CB take $2000 as a down payment on some machining / prototyping work. I “internet” knew the guy and knew he could use the money and I could use the service. figured it would be a win-win. I have yet to see or hear anything other than sad stories and missed promises in 2 years.
I did however out him to the full population of the forum we both used. So the 400 or so people there now know. Also a few more people raised their hands to say “me too”. He got banned from that forum in addition to the public shaming.
Being scummy in a small community sees very short sighted to me. But, then again, I make an effort to be honorable in all my actions and transactions.
“Neither a borrower nor a lender be, For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.” (Hamlet, Act 1, scene 3)
It was true all those years ago, and it’s true today. Of the people you loaned the money to, how many other folks did they borrow from? And why?
The other literary quote on this topic, that people don’t know, but should is from Charles Dickens’ David Copperfield: “Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pound ought and six, result misery.”
What Matt, Disk, and David said. The circles these folk run in are already aware of their crowdsourcing tendencies.
Education ain’t cheap!
Unfortunately a lot of people cultivate casual friendships solely to go after personal loans from people they’ve no intention of repaying. When you call them out on it they get all hurt feelings and want to make it all the lenders fault. Consider it an object lesson on specific people not to ever trust again. Believe it or not they’re also the same kind of people who’ll try to borrow money, tools or guns again. A simple practice to consider in future should someone you feel sympathy for approaches you for money. Have them preform a personal service such as cutting your yard, cleaning your house, painting etc. Then pay them fair market money for said labor. If they don’t agree to do so up front and in advance of payment then you know who and what your dealing with.
I have often made small loans to people I wasn’t sure of or who wanted to borrow money and I didn’t give them much. I have found that you can get a real read on someone’s character for less than $20. If someone won’t pay back $20 I call that cheap information about their trustworthiness. In my experience deadbeats aren’t aware enough to pay back a small loan to get a larger one later.
This is why I simply refuse to loan money to anyone. If someone asks me for a loan and I determine that they or their cause is worth it, I give them a gift and make it clear that there is no expectation of repayment. If they want to repay, that’s fine.
If someone asks for a loan and I determine they or their cause does not justify the gift, I simply decline.
In this way, I have never had to chase down a business partner, friend, or family member to pay me back. It makes life much easier.
“I also find it puzzling that somebody would make promises with no intentions of keeping them.”
ha! you are looking at someone who just never got into politics is all… the world is full of these people.
Once upon a time a friend loaned money to a mutual acquaintance, said individual then dropped off the radar and quit going to many of the places we used to see him regularly. When I asked if Jeff was upset he said no it was a cheap way to get rid of someone who wasn’t actual real friend material.
If you give a person five dollars, and never see them again, it was probably worth it–Mark Twain
The issue is that people are far less their own masters than you, or they think. The human consciousness is, by default, more like a press secretary than a boss in most people, and there is a lot of absent-minded people with different priorities than to keep all their promises.
You apparently have very good executive functioning, and are apparently highly conscientious person. Most people are not like that.
Also: if you’re not making mistakes, you’re not doing your work (here I assume you like to be charitable). How many others have repaid similar assistance on time? That’s the question.
So your response, Y, is that everybody is lying scum, and no one can keep their word? My guess is we may have identified you as one of those people who doesn’t pay back their loans.